The Great Tractor Roundup

Posted on 11/21/2008 at 10:20:31 PM

The Seth Gang and the lawmen sling lead at each other again and again, but everyone is always still standing when the gun smoke clears. Which leave most folk a wonderin’ if they’re all such bad shots.  Well, let me tell you a tale of the Tractor Round Up which will help to clear up as to why no one ever get winged in them gunfights.

A few weeks ago a large Ramada of horseless plowing machines came a chuggin’ into Medicine Park. I’m sure it weren’t no posse hunting a fugitive as they couldn’t get up enough velocity to catch one if they saw him.  Of course this bazaar sight brought both the Seth Gang and the law a runnin’. They reined up short a wondering what those noisy contraptions were.  Soon Seth, Little Britches, Rattlesnake, Doc Holiday, Marshal Payne & Marshal Odie were all clumped together tryin’ to figure out exactly what them things were. Seems that these new machines were fixin’ to take over the job of perfectly good horses. As it turned out the Seth Gang & the lawmen were secret pards and joint owners of the local feed business.  Without the need for a lot of horses them feed business profits would be a hurtin’.

They determined something was needed to rein in this menace. The lawmen quietly slipped their badges into pockets.  Together the Marauders approached the intruders meaning to run those machines clear out of the territory.  Nearing where the tractors were corralled Seth demanded to know who was the head wrangler of that outfit. He was pointed out and, with drawn six-guns he was quickly taken hostage. They figured with the head honcho of those varmints hobbled and threatened they saddle up and vamoose.

But as it turned out he was leanin’ a little to the Marauder side so he was recruited and given a hat and a .45 Colt.  The Marauder gang got the idea if they got the feller holding’ the high hand would have a lot of loot which could be appended to the mutual Marauder investments. It appeared to be a fellow named John Deere as he had his brand on most of them infernal machines.  But no one in the outfit had that handle.

Since John Deere was not ridin’ with that bunch the Marauders got the inspiration to steal one of them tractor machines and hold it for ransom. That’s when trouble flared up. There were two real pretty mechanical mounts in the herd. Little Britches had a hankerin’ to haul freight with an orange tractor and Seth was spinning his rope for a large green one. Both were good looking mounts, which split the Marauders into two camps. The dispute quickly escalated into gunfire, which once again, ended when they ran out of bullets.

The skirmish over, a deal was cut with the tractor outfit. They’d be let allowed to depart with their scalps intact if they hauled freight out of town after grabbin’ some chuck at the Riverside eatery.  They were so grateful not to get shot up they even bought the Marauders a round of lunch.